the passionate ailurophile

Sing to the tune of  “The Lion Sleeps Tonight”:

Ew-ew-ew-ew
Ew-ew-ew-ew-ew
I think I’m gonna die!
Ew-ew-ew-ew
Ew-ew-ew-ew-ew
I think I’m gonna die!

It’s so stinky, it’s so stinky, it’s so stinky, it’s so stinky
This a-sucks-a, this a-sucks-a, this a-sucks-a, this a-sucks-a

In the kitchen, the Cathouse kitchen, the garbage stinks today.
On the curb, well, that’s where it should be, the garbage stinks today.

Get a ticket, get a ticket, get a ticket, get a ticket
If you put it out too soon-a, pay a fine-a, pay a fine-a

Where’s the Lysol, the mighty Lysol, I need a case of it!
It smells so badly, so very badly, much worse than lion shit!

Mayor Howard is a jerk-a, what a jerk-a, what a jerk-a
When he runs for re-election, I will write in Mickey Mouse-a!

I can’t stand it, I just can’t stand it, I think I’m gonna croak!
Stupid trash laws, those stupid trash laws, they’re all just one big joke!

It’s so stinky, it’s so stinky, it’s so stinky, it’s so stinky
This a-sucks-a, this a-sucks-a, this a-sucks-a, this a-sucks-a

Ew-ew-ew-ew
Ew-ew-ew-ew-ew
I think I’m gonna die!
Ew-ew-ew-ew
Ew-ew-ew-ew-ew
It’s too late now…I’m dead.

I am dead serious…one of the new trash rules is that we are not allowed to put ANY trash out until the night before garbage day.  The problem is that we have no place else to put it in the meantime, so it stays in the kitchen can.  If we put it in the basement, where we and the landladies have our washers and dryers, the landladies will complain of the stink while they are down there doing their laundry.  So what can we do, except buy stock in Febreze and Lysol?

This shit town claims that the purpose of the garbage tax is to encourage people to recycle more.  But why the rule about not being allowed to put it out until the night before garbage day?  Used to be, when I was getting rid of potentially stinky food waste, I’d tie it up in a bag and put it out right away, so it wouldn’t stink up the house.  Our outside cans all have lids that clamp on, so there is no worry of the stink getting out, or of animals getting into the trash and making a mess.

And we can’t recycle everything!  It’s meat bones and stuph that cause the serious stink, followed by vegetable waste.  And no, we have no place to put a compost bucket, and besides, what the hell would we do with it?  We live in a bloody APARTMENT, for fuck’s sake!  And a rather small one, at that.

You can’t compost meat bones, anyway.  And if anyone leaves a lame-assed comment telling me to not eat dead animals…well, YOU can try living with my carnivore husband for a week with him having no meat.  Assholes.

It’s bad enough that I actually have to do extra stuph now, like wash out empty cans of cat food, to get rid of that stink, because they have to stay inside until trash/recycling day.  Why is it now more work and misery for me, despite the fact that we are now forced to pay $20 for a box of ten garbage bags?  Can’t the dickheads just be happy to collect the damned money, and leave us alone as to when we put our stinky trash outside?

Am I now going to have to plan meals around fucking garbage day?  Say I want to have mussels…actually, I do, I saw them on a cooking show yesterday, and I’m drooling for them now.  They come in shells, which get stinky after a couple of days.  Can I only have mussels at home on Sunday or Monday, so I can get the shells out into the trash in time for garbage day (which is Tuesday)?  Or am I supposed to wash all of those damned shells to keep them from stinking up the house after being in the trash for almost a week?

Don’t even get me started about having to keep bags full of used cat litter, from six cats, inside for a week.  We used to take out bags of used litter every day after cleaning litter boxes, now we can’t.  We try to keep all stinky trash as enclosed in its container as possible, but sometimes that just isn’t enough.  Garbage belongs OUTSIDE, for fuck’s sake!

Just about everything I predicted would go wrong with this bullshit idea, has.  I wonder how things are going with that petition to repeal these rules is going?  I hope that this can somehow be repealed by summer time, or else we are really in for some serious stinkage!

Mayor Howard, BTW, is Richard Howard, mayor of this shit town.  He is a rich asshole who lives in a big house, and hasn’t a clue as to how regular people in this town live.  He probably has a shed or something in which he (or likely, his housekeeper) puts the trash so it doesn’t stink up his house all week.

Moe, Curly, or Shemp Howard would be a vast improvement over this jerk.

About those $20 boxes of garbage bags…the other day, I was in the local Stop & Schlop, and decided to use the self-check aisle.  The computer talks, when you scan something in, it says the price.  So this guy in front of me had a box of those garbage bags.  He scanned it in, and as the computer voice said “Twenty Dollars”, I could see him very visibly cringe.

Yep, dude, I know how you feel.  And I bet your kitchen stinks, too.

Thank DOG tomorrow is garbage day, and we can take the stink out tonight!