Yesterday was bad…very bad
Well, at least the beginning of the day was. It was panic attack hell, and it started before I even opened my eyes. I was awake, eyes closed, and still felt dizzy.
I had to go to the bathroom, so I got up and did so. Oh, yeah, this was a bad one. I went back to bed, and begged Mike not to leave me, not even to go out and pick up the mail, if I couldn’t get showered and dressed in order to go with him.
I took one of the dreaded pills, which are getting to be in short supply. I really have to make an appointment with a Lahey doctor soon if I hope to get more.
The Ativan pill eventually took effect, and the symptoms finally calmed down. ut I was so so exhausted from it all, that I just wanted to go to sleep. But once again, I was afraid that if I did, I would never wake up. The fear of dying during these attacks is VERY real.
But I did lay down, and something in my body kicked me awake when I nodded off. I did sleep a bit, though, and obviously I did wake up. By then, it was 1PM. Mike had already showered and dressed, and I finally felt well enough to do so myself.
So we did go out and collect mail, get something to eat, and go grocery shopping. I was pretty much okay for the rest of the day and night.
Now I think I’m ready to get some REAL sleep.
But what I want to know is, after a long time of no problems, WHY is this kicking in again, about a year after it first started? Is there something about hormones, body chemistry, that makes this happen to me only in the summer?
I don’t know, but it HAS to stop. NOW.
1Kat
wrote on 20 June 2009 at 12:36
Just my thoughts, but maybe they are starting to come back because of all the stuff with Mike?
He’s been in and out of the hospital, he was getting terrible medical care for awhile, he now has a heart thingy inside his chest, his health has to be monitored closely, so your subconscious is reacting to it all, causing you to have panic attacks, be afraid that you are the one who is going to die, not him.
I don’t know really, but you have been under and incredible amount of stress from Mike’s health issues, it may be manifesting itself in you as fear of your own health.
2christine
wrote on 20 June 2009 at 23:50
Yes, I think that’s a big part of it, Kat. Last years, it seemed to be more of a hormonal thing due to menopause. But I kind of thought I was past that, as August will mark two whole years of no Aunt Flo. But who knows?
None of this was happening to me while Mike was going through all of that, it only started up again when he was home and doing well. Maybe some sort of buildup from having to stay strong and hold it in when he was in the hospital, and it’s just coming out now?
I don’t know. But I do need some professional help.